Update & Some thoughts on the "Roller Coaster"

Update
Well, I am apparently not the greatest blogger in the world. I'm not even sure when my last post on here was. However, since my last post I almost didn't graduate, ended up graduating in December, took & passed my nursing boards, went to the SSU RN pinning ceremony, walked at commencement, and have now been on the job hunt. That is my general update on my life over the past... 7-10 months?

The Roller Coaster
The other day I was talking to a friend, a recently new follower of Jesus. My friend was describing their relationship with Jesus to be kind of like a roller coaster- times of feeling extremely close to Jesus, and then times of loneliness, feeling separated from our savior. A gap, a chasm, a shadowy place that separate us from the one who loves us. My initial reaction was, oh that normal. I've been there, I still get to those places some times. But then I began to wonder, is it normal? Are these shadowed valleys,
the chasms really normal? Or is it really only that way for some people?

Well, I know that most Christians will often times have the "mountain-top" experience after things like really powerful conferences, missions trips, and intense times of worship and prayer- essentially a Christian high, an intimacy with God so close that your senses are overwhelmed, and you can feel Him surrounding you, joy overflowing, giddiness, peace, euphoria, being filled with the Spirit (Is 29:9, Eph 5:18). After you have your first taste of God's presence theres nothing you want more, no desire greater that to be consumed by the presence, the pure, all consuming love of YHWH... The I Am.

But it doesn't last, for some reason in my experience it doesn't last. After experiencing this closeness to our creator, we turn our head for a moment and we slip. You plummet down into a ravine so quickly you don't even know what happened, you finally hit the bottom and look up and around you and have no idea how you got there. The intimacy that was once had with the Creator is gone. It can be a crippling experience. You wonder, did I do something wrong? Where did He go? And even sometimes, in the darkest of places, Does He even exist? Sometimes it takes ages to get out of these dark spots, sometimes you feel like you've been lost in them for years. Sometimes you are.

For me my relationship with Jesus has been just that, like a bi-polar heroine addict. I can go on these drastic swings, from a wikid high, to a really really low. I can go from pursuing my relationship with Jesus like crazy, living daily in his presence... to wondering if God could ever even exist... in a matter of days. Granted things haven't been quite like that for a while (nock on wood), but I still do have these swings, this roller coaster relationship. The highs are still pretty darn good, but thank you Jesus- the lows aren't quite so bad anymore. After years and years of this, I can finally catch myself on the way down. I can feel myself slipping almost like in slow motion. I know what's going to happen, I can catch myself- well Jesus... he catches me.

But see thats the thing. Being in relationship with Jesus, with my creator, my father is exciting, its exhilarating.  Its like a pair of trapeze artist flowing smoothly together through the air. You get a rush from the flight, relief from being caught and in safe hands, and sent of again hurtling to the next bar.

But sometimes you miss the bar. Accidents do happen. Its never purposeful, always a mishap. You've released and it was at just the wrong second and you're flying through the air and either over or under estimated the landing point. You're flying through the air and all of the sudden you're thinking wait I've been here too long, I should have already landed, or wait I was supposed to go so much farther, so much bigger! But
you're falling. Fearful, disheveled, disoriented, falling. But the thing is, when you fall and your partner is Jesus- HE FELL FOR YOU! He already made the fall and is there to CATCH YOU. Not only is he your partner as you fly through the air from bar to bar, but he is there below you ready to catch you if you fall. And if you're hurt when you land, he is right there to bandage you and nurse you right back to health! Then once you're healed, he is the ultimate coach. He doesn't let you just sit there on the ground fearful of what may lay ahead. He walks you up the tower, gently leading and coaching you every step of the way. He helps you to gather your courage and sets you soaring again. He is always patient but never relents.

But just like everything in life, practice makes perfect. We all fall, and when you are whole heartedly devoted to your relationship with Jesus, you get back up again. You take him by the hand and trust him even when you don't want to. You let him mop your brow, bandage your broken arm, and  heal your concussion- even if the only thing you want to do is curl up in the fetal position and never look up again. Then you get back up and you climb to the top of the tower - sometimes hesitantly, other times slowly, step-by-step. You reach the top take a deep deep breath, and take the leap. It is a leap of faith, of anticipation, hope, and sometimes still a twinge of fear. But you keep going, and each toss and catch becomes more perfect. Each flip and twirl more elaborate. Each set more magnificent. And still you might fall, but the healing brings even deeper, more close intimacy. And soon- or not so soon- the falling isn't so bad. You know its going to happen, but you can catch your landing - maybe with a twisted ankle, maybe standing up straight. And you keep climbing the tower, with more and more anticipation of what the next set will be.

But the thing is, even when you're flying solo up in the air he's always there below you ready to catch you if you fall, but always anticipating a glorious and perfect dismount.

So these are my brief and incomplete thoughts on the matter.